Are you an adult child?
1. Do you recall anyone drinking or taking drugs or being involved in some other behavior that you now believe could be dysfunctional?
2. Did you avoid bringing friends to your home because of drinking or some other dysfunctional behavior in the home?
3. Did one of your parents make excuses for the other parent’s drinking or other behaviors?
4. Did your parents focus on each other so much that they seemed to ignore you?
5. Did your parents or relatives argue constantly?
6. Were you drawn into arguments or disagreements and asked to choose sides with one relative against another?
7. Did you try to protect your brothers or sisters against drinking or other behavior in the family?
8. As an adult, do you feel immature? Do you feel like you are a child inside?
9. As an adult, do you believe you are treated like a child when you interact with your parents? Are you continuing to live out a childhood role with the parents?
10. Do you believe that it is your responsibility to take care of your parents’ feelings or worries? Do other relatives look to you to solve their problems?
11. Do you fear authority figures and angry people?
12. Do you constantly seek approval or praise but have difficulty accepting a compliment when one comes your way?
13. Do you see most forms of criticism as a personal attack?
14. Do you over-commit yourself and then feel angry when others do not appreciate what you do?
15. Do you think you are responsible for the way another person feels or behaves?
16. Do you have difficulty identifying feelings?
17. Do you focus outside yourself for love or security?
18. Do you involve yourself in the problems of others? Do you feel more alive when there is a crisis?
19. Do you equate sex with intimacy?
20. Do you confuse love and pity?
21. Have you found yourself in a relationship with a compulsive or dangerous person and wonder how you got there?
22. Do you judge yourself without mercy and guess at what is normal?
23. Do you behave one way in public and another way at home?
24. Do you think your parents had a problem with drinking or taking drugs?
25. Do you think you were affected by the drinking or other dysfunctional behavior of your parents or family?
(Questions from the ACA Fellowship Text, pp. 18-20)
If you answered “yes” to three or more of these questions, you may be suffering from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional family. We welcome you to attend an ACA meeting in your area to learn more.
Adult Children of Alcoholics is an anonymous Twelve Step and Twelve Tradition fellowship. Our meetings offer a safe environment for adult children to share their common experiences. By attending meetings regularly and by sharing about our lives, we gradually change our thinking and behavior. By working the ACA program, we find another way to live.
You can find a worldwide list of ACA meetings, including telephone and online meetings at:
Things to Do During a Panic
2) Take a brisk walk.
3) Call Jim (Write the phone numbers on your list) .
4) Call Nona if Jim’s not home. Go down my list of support people and keep calling.
5) Write in my journal.
6) Take a hot bath.
7) Write a hundred times, I’m safe. They can’t hurt me anymore.
8) Go for a run, or exercise.
9) Listen to soothing music.
10) Meditate, pray, or do yoga.
11) Draw a picture of how I feel.
12) Watch an old movie on TV.
13) Eat tomato soup or grilled cheese.
14) Start again at the top.
from Beginning to Heal (Revised Edition), A First Book for Men and Women Who Were Sexually Abused As Children – Ellen Bass, Laura Davis p. 26-27 (purchased on google play books)
ID#100 Title: Sexuality Treatment Message:
An Example of Pre-Sex Inventory Prayer:
"God, please help me to be free of fear as I attempt to shine the spotlight of truth across my past sex relations. Lord, please show me where my behavior has harmed others and help me to see the truth these relationships hold for me. Help me see where I have been at fault and what I should have done differently." (From the thoughts on pg. 69)
"God, help me review my own conduct over the years past. Show me where I have been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate. Show me whom I have hurt and where I have unjustifiably aroused jealousy, suspicion or bitterness. Help me to see where I was at fault and what I should have done instead. Help me to be fearless and searching in my endeavor to write my sexual inventory." (69:1)
A Sex Prayer:
"Father, please help me mold my sex ideals and help me to live up to them. Help me be willing to grow toward my ideals and help me be willing to make amends where I have done harm. Lord, please show me what to do in each specific matter, and be the final judge in each situation. Help me avoid hysterical thinking or advice." (69:2, 69:3)
"Father, please Grace me with guidance in each questionable situation, sanity, and strength to do the right thing. If sex becomes very troublesome, quiet my imperious urge, help me not to yield and keep me from heartache as I throw myself the harder into helping others. Help me think of their needs and help me work for them. Amen."(69:2, 69:3, 70:2)